Daniel Craig in Drag for International Women's Day

Yesterday was International Women's Day. In honor of that fact, Daniel Craig stood up both in drag and in his James Bond attire while statistics were read by Judi Dench about how the life of men and women in the UK are different. I know that these statistics are UK based, but unfortunately they apply very well to the U.S. as well.



Anyway, I am not a big James Bond fan so I was not on the Daniel Craig bandwagon until my friend showed me this video. Now I totally get it. Those legs! That feminist advocacy! *drool*

Touch, Children and Consent

I've mentioned before that I work in a preschool. It's incredibly fun and I love my specialized focus of teaching my 3-5 year olds the necessary literacy skills they'll need to be successful readers in kindergarten (Psst: If you live in Minnesota, love working with and teaching kids, and need a short-term [1-2 years] job for next school year, email me and I'll give you more information about my non-profit).

However, once I'm with my kids, it's like my body is not my own anymore. More specifically, my lap for sitting, my hands for holding and rarely my hair for pulling. This is usually the extent of it, but occasionally kids will ask me what my breasts are or touch my butt from behind without notice. It usually doesn't bother me (except the one time when a kid had messy hands from lunch and wiped them all over the back of my jeans).

Today while reading The Lorax, one of my students began putting her hands near my collarbone, resting them on my skin for a moment then moving them to my other side. She said she was checking for my heartbeat. Another boy stuck his hand out and put it squarely on my breasts, saying, "No, this is where her heartbeat is." I suggested they try checking for their own heartbeat underneath their chins, modeling how to do it. His touch obviously wasn't sexual, but there's still something jarring about being touched, especially in some areas, without notice or consent. I don't want to stigmatize a particular area of their bodies as sexual, dirty, shameful or something they shouldn't be touching without the larger context and conversations of age-appropriate bodily education.* But they know the rules - hands to yourself, you must ask a friend first before touching, and you have to listen when a friend says no.

Awhile back we got a new girl in the class. She had no troubles adjusting to the class and got along well with the other children. On her first day, one of the boys suggested they be boyfriend and girlfriend. They held hands a bit during story time (with several warnings about the hands to yourself rule) and he tried to kiss her on the cheek after. She clearly didn't like this and I had to tell him to respect her no, even if he didn't like it. The class rules say that we have to listen to everyone's no, but I felt like I should have included that a girl's no must especially be listened to. It turns out she didn't even want to be his "girlfriend," but felt a little pressured. I told her that it's ok to say no if you don't want something. Again - these are 4 year olds.

But it must be said early and often if the message is to be understood.

Sometimes I wonder how I would do my job if I had difficulties with being touched without asking or were triggered by such actions.

Yet at the same time, I have to consider my own actions. Sometimes I touch kids without expressly asking. In the case of some kids, it helps if I rub their back during storytime. They listen better; they keep their hands to themselves, and I imagine it makes them feel loved. At first I finished that sentence with safe - I imagine it makes them feel safe- but I don't think I can say that for all kids. We want preschool to be a safe enviornment and actively work to destress kids in order to make them feel comfortable enough to learn. Some kids like having their back rubbed or scratched and I suppose I just think most kids like it.

And then I read Rebecca from City of Ladies and Thomas from Yes Means Yes** and step back to evaluate my own actions. Am I touching kids who would rather I not touch them? Perhaps. There are some things I'm very explicit about - I always ask a child if they would like to give me a hug and accept the occasional "no." I don't take pictures of children without their consent. But it seems that I must adjust my actions to include all touching if I am truly to respect their own decisions about their bodies.

It only takes a quick "Can I rub your back?" and all bases are covered. How many difficulties in this world would be avoided if only we checked in and made sure we had consent first?





*Since this came up a bit in one of my prior posts about preschool children and the language they use to describe their bodies, I'll state this clearly: I believe in age appropriate bodily education and will implement this in the classroom. That doesn't mean, as one anonymous commenter suggested, "feminists teaching [preschool children] about their bodies or sexuality." Age appropriate bodily education includes proper, anatomical names for body parts (arms, legs, brain, arm bones, vagina, penis, toes, etc) and recognizing what their bodies are telling them (hunger, sickness, anger, happiness). I'm not indoctrinating kids into feminism when I say that I use age appropriate bodily education; I'm teaching them that sometimes that funny feeling in their stomach means they're hungry, angry, sick or have to poop.

**My own thinking on the topic of children and bodily respect has been influenced by Thomas' post "If She's Not Having Fun You Have To Stop." It has been useful in shaping the way I interact and help police my student's actions.

Butts, penises and cookies

I submit, for your consideration, exhibit A in the case of needing accurate age-appropriate education about our bodies, a scene from the PreK classroom where I work:

We are reading a book about how dinosaurs say good night. One of the dinosaurs turns off the light with his tail.

Lead teacher: Do you turn off the light with your tail?
All kids: No!
Boy: We don't have tails! We have butts and penises!
Girl: Girls don't have a penis! We have cookies!

There's a split second where everyone looks at the boy, then the girl, thinking we're going to tell them not to say "penis." My lead teacher says, "Girls have vaginas," and keeps reading.

At least the girl didn't call it a vah-jay-jay.

Walking as Rebellion? A Follow-Up

Wow. I had no idea that my experience would be shared by so many vocal, awesome commenters. Thank you to everyone who has shared anger over similar moments, support, solutions, thoughts, or opinions.

A few things that have been coming up in the comments that I want to address:

1. Harassment as compliments
I think a few readers have misunderstood the kind of harassment I'm concerned about. There is no way to mistake a "suck my dick" comment for a compliment. And yelling something from a car, even something meant kindly is not the appropriate way to compliment someone. Ever.
If a guy feels need to tell a girl, who he doesn't know, that she looks nice or that he likes something she is wearing, that is a totally different situation. And one that deserves a separate blog post.

2. Solutions: Silence or The Middle Finger
In the original post, I mentioned that I have a hard time ignoring the situation, so I usually flick the bastards off. I lot of commenters responded that they choose to simply ignore the situation because a reaction is what the guys are looking for. But, I just can't do it that way. I feel a need to respond, and the quickest way in my situation, which is mostly cars driving by and commenting is flicking people off. That's just me though. I do realize that ignoring the situation is probably the best, productive way to handle it, but at this point in my life it just makes me feel powerless, something I don't want to feel.

I've been thinking more about this. I was texting one of my guy friends, while I was walking home the other day. I was complaining about the harassment, and his response:

"Girl, what are you wearing?"

Now, this is a really smart, kind friend and his question didn't bother me too much at the time. But, days later, its irking me. Obviously, this parallels a rape victim being asked what she was wearing. It is a form of victim blaming and nothing new. But, I think it does brooch the importance of talking to people you know about the issue and educating them about what its like to be on the receiving end of such "compliments." A lot of commenters have stressed this, and I think it is so important.

We need to take action. So, let's start an impromptu re-education movement. Seriously, it is a slow start, sporadic, and spontaneous, but it can't hurt. I'm going to start talking to my friends, especially the men in my life, about this issue, and I'm gonna post about when I do. Any reactions or questions or miscommunication will be written about here, so people can refer to them to answer their own questions. And because I'm clearly not an expert, I want you to do the same. You can post here in the comments or email me the story and I'll make a separate blog post for it. I even set up a new gmail account katehatesharrassment@gmail.com Or start your own blog and just link here. There have been lots of awesome hollerback sites started, but this are a documentation of harrassment. I want to start a documentation of avoided harrassment and positive teaching and learning experiences.

We also need a title for this action, I think. In my internship, I'm learning how important clever titles are. Any ideas?

Alright, let's begin! Go talk.

Safe sex - it's not just the kids doing it these days

Teenagers aren't the only people who directly benefit from comprehensive sex education - as divorce becomes more and more prevalent in American culture, older single people are dating and having sex. Since some people view pregnancy as the main reason to use condoms, women in menopause or who may have had their tubes tied may not see the need for protection during sex.

However as this article states, menopausal and premenopausal women need to be aware of the risk of sexually transmitted infections, even if they don't view pregnancy as a risk. Additionally, women with vaginal atrophy may be at a higher risk of STIs because of the increased potential for small cuts and tears.

Another place that demonstrates the need for sex education and dispensing of condoms is nursing homes. For a lot of the reasons above, women and men in nursing homes need to be aware of safe sex, especially since aging bodies are often weaker than younger bodies.

I never thought about the need for sex education in these communities before, but lately, my divorced mother is starting to go on dates. In talking with her, I found out that she's only used oral hormone contraceptives in her life - STIs weren't as big of a concern when she was younger. Doing my daughterly duty, I told her about the importance of communication between partners, talking about sexual histories and getting tested, and using barrier protection. Then we decided that I'll give her "the talk" on her wedding night (preferably at the bar) and she's never giving me "the talk" because I'm never getting married.

Here's what the North American Menopause Society suggests all sexually active people do (good for anyone in sexual relationships, in my opinion):

• Choose partners selectively.
• Discuss sexual history with a partner; don’t let embarrassment compromise health.
• Always insist that a male partner use a latex condom for genital, oral, and anal sex, unless you are in a long-standing, mutually monogamous relationship. Never use petroleum-based products (Vaseline, baby oil) to lubricate condoms because they can damage the condom, potentially causing a leak).
• Keep medically fit and have a regular physical exam, including a Pap test and other tests to identify sexually transmitted infections if you are at risk. If exposed to an STI, or after a confirmed diagnosis, urge partner(s) to be examined and treated. Do not resume sexual activity until you and your partner are cleared of infection or, in the case of STIs that cannot be cured (such as herpes), until proper methods for optimal protection are understood and used.

Here's the moral of the story:

Comprehensive sex education must be taught to youth because this is lifelong knowledge - it's not going to stop being important and useful once you get out of high school or college or if you get married. Safe sex isn't just for teenagers - it's for everyone.

MN school board changes policy on GLBTQ discussions!

I've been out of it for awhile (a cold and a broken laptop, but both are better now), but I want to share a bit of good news. Anoka-Hennepin, Minnesota's largest school district, has revised their official policy on homosexuality. Prior to this change, teachers and school staff were required to say that homosexuality was not a normal or valid lifestyle. It originally was restricted to health classes, but eventually became the policy for students and teachers. For example, a student couldn't talk about her two fathers and their family unless describing them as invalid or abnormal.

Now, GLBTQ topics are addressed “in a respectful manner that is age-appropriate, factual, and pertinent to the relevant curriculum.” No longer are same-sex parents and their families considered abnormal within school contexts! The policy change was worked on by the school board and several GLBTQ organizations in the Twin Cities - OutFront Minnesota and Rainbow Families are quoted in the piece.

Hoorah for the Anoka-Hennepin school district!

"Your Comments Here"

Some of you may remember the incident at the Yale Women's Center where male students stood outside the Center with a sign saying, "We love Yale sluts" while chanting "dick dick dick" - apparently something they meant as a joke. When the school found the group not guilty of intimation and harassment, I wrote about my own experience and the less blatant, yet still present, sexism at Yale Divinity School.

A group of feminists and graphic artists have taken all the comments left on Yale Daily News articles about the incident and made an incredibly powerful poster that they put up around campus last week:


Reading the comments on this poster brought me to tears. The virulent words, hate and general disrespect for the Women's Center and by proxy, all women, makes me sick to my stomach. The supposed anonymity of the internet brings out the worst in people - or maybe the truth in people, but that they're too ashamed to say to someone's face.

To those people who don't think that sexism is pervasive through our culture, read the poster.

Here's a larger image in case you want to fully experience the poster.

Gibt es ein...embedded sexism?

I am taking German classes this year to fulfill the second language requirement for my college. I could have taken Spanish, the second language that I studied for four years in high school, but I decided it would be fun to try to become multi-lingual.

Oh, fun indeed, as Lindsay may be able to attest to.

A while ago I was flipping through the glossary in my book, looking for a vocabulary word so I could do my homework, when a word caught my eye.

(die) Jungfrau. Translation: virgin.

Some explanations for those not familiar with German.

The German language uses three different "genders" of articles (masculine, feminine, and neuter) when referring to nouns. "Die" means "the" and it is feminine.

The word "jung" is German for "young." "Frau" means "woman."

Literally, the German word for virgin translates to "young woman."

Excellent! Slut-shaming embedded in language. There's nothing like associating virginity strictly with women...even if it is rather covert like this.

Argh.

I'm Annoyed: French textbooks

I'm learning French this summer and we started the chapter on food, restaurants and eating today. I have to say, it annoyed me to no end how along with names of different foods, we learned "diet," "to get thin," "to gain or lose weight" (two different verbs). Additionally, during an exercise where we went around the class asking people different things about meals (favorite food to eat while sick, etc), one of the questions was "do you only eat salads when you're dieting?"

The French language has annoyed me already simply through its use of masculine and feminine words, but today, my disappointment was directed more towards the textbook authors. They knew it was for a college audience - did they need to include words about losing weight in a chapter on food?

Two big thumbs down for Deux Mondes.

UPDATE: Even better! The online homework is aaallllllll about counting calories and losing weight. No big thumbs down anymore - Screw Deux Mondes and their online practice exercises.

An Ancedote

So, this is a little bit of a personal ancedote, but I think its worth mentioning.

Yesterday three of my friends were coming home from school for the summer. I was driving, and I felt the wheel jerking a little bit, so I pulled over on the highway. I had a flat tire. Now, I have no idea how to change a flat tire. I was never taught and never thought to learn. The two other girls in the car didn't know what to do either, but my male friend did. His stepfather had taught him. If he had not been there, we would have had to call the highway patrol or a tow truck.

I thought it was interesting that none of our family members had thought to teach us girls. We could just as easily (and did) get a flat tire. And we would have been kind of stranded.

I realize that this is a small sample group and a personal story, but it probably resonates among many women. Please, if you are a parent teach your children basic car maintence skills.

Let's Talk About Sex

No, seriously, we really need to.
In a great Alternet post last week, Joyce McFadden explored why American mothers refuse to have honest discussions about sex with their daughters and the consequences on their daughters’ lives and relationships.

“I think, as Americans, our fixation with the taboo of sexuality causes us to overlook its poetry and its greater meaning in our lives, and then we pass this limited view of sex onto our children.”

I am not a mother, so I can only speak from the daughter’s perspective, but I know my mother and I have never had a healthy discussion about sex. In fact, we’ve only had one. And I was nine. I grew up in a strictly Catholic household and went to 14 years of Catholic school (I’m eighteen), so, unsurprisingly, before college, I had never had an honest discussion about sex or sexuality (or even a sex ed class). In fourth grade, my mother told me the basics: sex was what made babies. No, it didn’t hurt. Yes, you were naked. And you never had sex until your married. And that’s all the information I ever got from her. The rest I learned from friends, eavesdropping, Cosmopolitan, and Judy Blume books.

There, I learned to focus on male pleasure, not my own. I learned that the purpose of sex was to have babies, not to create intimacy. I learned to hate abortion, but not how to put a condom on. I learned how to make my body look desirable, but not how to channel that desire.

And why not? Why couldn’t my mother have a healthy on-going discussion with me about sex? I don’t know, but like most women, it was probably a combination of embarrassment, lack of understanding about her own sexuality, and discomfort at viewing me as a sexual being.

But, this is wrong. With the lack of comprehensive sex ed in our schools, the media’s constant focus on a specific type of female sexuality, and the mess of messages from the religious right pervading both pulpits and political speeches, the mother-daughter or father-daughter discussion of sex needs to be honest and often. We need to set aside our embarrassment, as both parents and children, and learn to embrace discussion of sex and sexuality with each other. Talking about our embarrassments, misunderstandings, concerns, and confusion can only bring us closer.

Please let’s set aside the birds and the bees, let’s just talk about sex.

On the Ivy League, academia and sexism

At the beginning of the semester, there was an incident here at Yale involving a "fraternity prank" and the Women's Center where 12 members of the Zeta Psi frat stood in front of the Women's Center chanting "dick dick dick dick" while holding a sign saying "We Love Yale Sluts." Quite the incident.

On Monday, the Executive Committee of Yale College found the members of this group not guilty of intimdiation and harassment charges. No charges of sexual harassment were ever filed, even though complaints were issued with the Sexual Harassment Grievance Board.

It seems we are no farther from the Old Boys Club than we were in 1969 when the College first admitted female students.

The female student who encountered the Zeta Psi that night in January wrote an op-ed for the Yale Daily. Here is some of what she had to say:

Perhaps the brothers of Zeta Psi were unaware of the symbolic role of the Women’s Center: It is the only place on this campus designated a safe space for women; it is the only place dedicated to gender equity. Perhaps they did not to intend to “harm anyone socially or psychologically,” as their public apology attests; rather, their behavior was a mere “lapse of judgment.” But, consciously or unconsciously, they were aware of how demeaning it would be to shout “dick” in front of a women’s space, how degrading it is to call a person a “slut,” how their fraternity culture forced them to participate in acts of misogyny.
...
Only as the victim in this case am I permitted to speak; all other parties involved are bound by confidentiality. Students are prohibited from speaking to other students, professors or friends about any detail of the case. In ExComm’s summaries of disciplinary action, there is only a record of the trial and the judgment, nothing more. There is no written record of the deliberations. Consequently, there is no transparency or system of accountability. Students have no knowledge of how other students have been hurt, intimidated, harassed or assaulted.
...
Despite my involvement, I cannot appeal its judgment or even question how it was ultimately determined. I cannot appeal the fact that all 12 brothers of Zeta Psi were allowed to read my written affidavit before they wrote their own — 12 iterations of the same collective story.

Decided in secrecy, no chance for an appeal. It seems the "boys will be boys" mentality has pervaded the Yale "justice" system. The layer of tolerance that has been laid out over fundamental sexism has been broken and we can see the ugly underside - that this school has merely covered up the intolerance, while still allowing it to grow. When that intolerance comes out in ugly ways, the layer is just restitched, weaker and thinner than before.

I am a student at the Divinity School, one could argue a completely different world than the undergraduate college downtown. Over half of the students here want to be ministers; perhaps their love of God makes them more tolerant - YDS is a fairly liberal and inclusive school. Compared to the other professional and graduate schools, the Divinity School is rumored to have some of the nicest students on campus (we're in the running with the Forestry school).

Although our chapel services use inclusive language and we are generally a loving group, at times, as a woman I can't help but feel somewhat out of place.

Whether it be sitting with a group of all-male friends over lunch or realizing that I'm the only woman in the room (also the only person without a beard), I have noticed my gender here in ways I haven't anywhere else. I have become aware of the fact that I am a woman first and a person second.

YDS gives out two main degrees - the MDiv and the MAR; the MDiv is for people wishing to be ordained while the MAR is a shorter degree with an academic focus. There are more females than males in the MDiv program and more males than females in the MAR program - of my friends, I am a female MAR students out of many male MAR students. To be sure, I also have male MDiv friends, as the world isn't as clear-cut as some make it out to be. My male MAR friends are in fields religious studies academics considered more worthy of study, as opposed to my film and visual art concentration. So, while I sit with my male friends and we discuss our academic interests, often I feel out of place because my field of study rarely comes up in conversation.

Biblical studies tends to focus mostly on historical criticism, but recently other criticisms have begun to be used - feminist, queer, post-colonial, etc. While the opportunity is great to reclaim texts that have previously been destructive for individuals, these readings are still passed over for more historical readings. I took a class on Gender, Sex and Power in Ruth and Esther last semester, and not surprisingly, it was a class of mostly women (13 women to 1 man, who actually was transgendered, female-to-male). The professor has made it explict that alternative readings are welcomed in her class; she is committed to bringing voice to those who are and have been voiceless. However, what good is alternative voices if we are the only ones to hear them?

Other times, it's not an academic or systematic feeling of exclusion, but sometimes people make off-hand statements they don't intend as sexist, but are anyway. I originally came to the school in the Women's, Gender and Sexuality Studies department before switching to a visual art concentration. When I informed my friend of the switch, he replied, "I didn't think you were angry enough for that anyway." One minute I am an angry feminist and the next, someone who likes paintings. I went as Rosie the Riveter to our Halloween party and someone praised my gender bending skills.

To be clear, I love YDS and the community and my friends. They have made me happy and enriched my life in countless ways. But I feel as if there is still a residual feeling that this is not a woman's place - or at least academia isn't. Especially downtown, how dare women expect a place of their own. If men want to stand in front the Women's Center and chant "dick," they should be able to... After all, those men gave us the women's center in the first place.

Such a blantant display of sexism would never happen at the Divinity school, that I'm sure of. My friends are lovely people and I want to make clear this is a critique not of individuals, but of the larger system we function in. What I'm not sure of, however, is the little bits of sexism that creep in on a day-to-day basis... That subtle, uncomfortable feeling that my work and the work of all people using feminist, queer or post-colonial readings don't match up to the strict socio-historical way of reading religious texts. That although we are here, we are ignored.

Columbia University Expands Finacial Aid

Columbia University in NYC plans to expand its financial aid in the fall.

The University plans to expand its full scholarships to families with an income lower than $60,000 a year and to replace some students existing loans with grants. Considering that it now costs about $34,000 in tuition alone to attend Columbia, this change is simply a good start.

As a lower-income student at a private university, I understand the struggle to pay for school and the detriment of student loans. So, while I applaud Columbia University for a step in the right direction much more needs to be done, both by these institutions and by the government, to allow the youth who wishes to pursue higher education with every opportunity possible.

Why is education a privilege and not a right?