Don't confuse the ladies during sex by talking!

A little misogyny-soaked advice from Esquire for you today on the question of penis-vagina insertion during hetero sex:

However, Robert J. Rubel, author of the indispensable Master/Slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice, as well as 2007's Squirms, Screams and Squirts: Going from Great Sex to Extraordinary Sex (because the title A Dance to the Music of Time was already taken), disagrees. He confirms your fear about implied incompetence and calls you a "submissive man," a charge you'll have to just sit there and take, I'm afraid. "I've never had a woman guide me in initially," he scoffs, before defining the core problem. "Here's the core problem: Anything that you do to pull the woman back into her head will destroy the moment. Don't ask her anything, don't do anything that she has to think about, don't confuse her." He's absolutely right. I was about to say something about the futility of rules with regard to the passionate acts of willing adults, but I've already forgotten the question.

I'm sorry if Rubel and Stacey Grenrock Woods, the column's author, think that a little back-and-forth on how someone wants to have sex is unnecessary and emasculating, but let's give women a little respect here. We CAN do more than one thing at once, people. Women can handle a simple question while getting it on. In fact, let's aim for two+ questions - "Would you like to have sex?" and "Does this feel good?" are good ones to start off with.

If you're not interested in hearing about my sex life, you can stop reading here (Hi, Mom!). Personally, sometimes I'm a little worried that my partner is going to get it right and I like to make sure that everything is going according to plan. There have been times when I've had to redirect partners who, due to not looking or lack of skill, etc, ventured beyond and aimed for the wrong hole. In situations like that, I'd sure appreciate a little communication to avoid unintentional anal sex. That's the type of thing I'd like to talk about before hand or at least prior to insertion.

So Rubel and Woods, you're both waaaay off target. I don't care how many poorly named books or advice columns you've penned. Good communication is essential for any sexual experience.