Crosswords with a side of homophobia and gender dichotomies

I love crossword puzzles. Some day, I'm going to be old and crotchety, complaining about needing to do my puzzles (difference now is that I'm not old).

This type of stuff in yellow, however, pisses me off:


Clue to 41 down: Like Rocky or Rambo
Clue to 43 down: ______ boy (sissy)

Really? Really, Newsday Crossword puzzle for February 18, 2010, author Fred Piscop and editor Stanley Newman? These clues really work for you? Because they're not working for me.

The clue to 41 down is just in bad taste, in my opinion. It establishes guns, violence and death as things indicative of being a man. To not be those things is to not be manly, at least according to Fred Piscop and Stanley Newman. Personally, I like my men violence-free, thank you. If Rambo and Rocky are manly, then what is womanly? Is there anything outside of either manly or womanly? We live in a world of grey, Fred Piscop and Stanley Newman. Get with it.

I've really got issues with the clue to 43 down. When this is what you get for a Google search for sissy, you can probably bet that it might not be the best crossword clue. Especially when the word is "mamas." Let's brainstorm some alternative clues. "Childbearers" or "The ____ and the Papas" or ANYTHING ELSE APART FROM A SISSY JOKE. The entire world is full of enough homophobia as it is; do I really need it in my crossword?

I'm really appalled that this can get by as a crossword clue. What were you thinking, editor Stanley Newman? Author Fred Piscop, why would you write something homophobic as a clue?

The most annoying part is that these types of things can be avoided - you just have to think about it. Or mainly, someone besides yourself.


Note: I highlighted 44 down in green simply because I thought it was a fine example of where the author and editor may be coming from. And I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old.

When someone says no, you have to listen.

As someone who works with preschool children, I'm often very deliberate about the things I say. I make sure every rhyme is pointed out, every letter that corresponds to someone's first name is traced, every opportunity for something new is used.

I've increasingly become very deliberate about the words I use when talking about behavior as well. I find myself repeating things like "When someone says no, you have to listen" and "Ask before you touch your friend." Sometimes my language is prompted by the language they use - if someone is complaining about hitting, then we talk about nice touching.

I do it because I want this language embedded in their vocabulary. I explicitly use no in this context because I want them to feel comfortable saying no (especially to their friends) and that when someone says no, it's respected.

I want them to know that you can't just touch another person's body without asking. One of my rules is that a kid has to ask before sitting in my lap. Partially, it's selfish. My legs get tired and fall asleep with too many kid bodies on them. But there's also that idea that my lap is mine alone and I make the decision if I want someone to sit there. If a kid walks up and sits down without asking, I make them stand up and ask me if they can sit there. Sometimes I say yes; everyone's happy (unless there's another kid competing for the lap. Long story). Sometimes I say no and suggest that they can sit right in front of me.

I'd like to think that these things stick with them, that they'll remember that they have to listen to another person's no. The unfortunate part about early childcare is that a lot of times, these kids won't remember us. I don't remember my preschool teachers. That's why it's so important that these basic concepts of bodily sovereignty are maintained from year to year.

I only hope that my no and respect for a no is remembered and thought of when they hear no again.

I've been a little busy as of late, but I wanted to pass along this FML:

Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of
sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled
suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from
college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old
daughter.

Sorry, Fonz, but I'm guessing if your neighbor and her 11 year old daughter don't think it's cute and flirty, neither do the college age girls. Street harassment is harassment is harassment. Getting yelled at from a passing car is rarely fun.*

*Sometimes I think it's fun when good friends yell from their cars. Only good friends and only things they know I would find funny.

Seeking Carnival of Feminists blog hosts!

The Carnival of Feminists needs some blog hosts!

The bi-weekly Carnival of Feminists collects some of the best posts from the feminist blogosphere and puts them in one place for your viewing pleasure.

If you are interested in hosting a future Carnival of Feminists, please drop myself or Amelia an email at [firstname].impersonator [at] gmail.com. If you're not sure what hosting entails, we've got a lovely walk-through to help any first-time/long-time hosts.

Please send us an email or leave a comment if you are interested!

Trust Women: Blog for Choice Day

To me, trusting women is more than just ensuring legal access to abortion. It's ensuring that women have the options to make their own decisions about their lives, health care and futures.

Trusting women means birth control. Sex education. Equal pay. Breaking stereotypes. Two words with a million different ramifications.

It's one of those things that's so simple, so fundamental that I can't believe we have to advocate for it.

I trust women. Do you?

Troll Patrol: Say What???? Edition

In response to my post about our radio show (which didn't happen due to some bad technical difficulties), I got this utterly confusing troll comment:

There's also no such thing as "bisexuals". You have gay men who don't want to be "out" all the way, and you have college straight women who make out with their friends for drinks.
No such thing.

This same troll also told me that there is no such thing as homophobia.

But according to this person, apparently, there is also only one kind of woman: the "college straight" kind. No other varieties, even if they "make out with their friends." Because they would only do that for drinks. Not as a legitimate expression of their sexual/emotional desires. And as far as men go, well, they're all totally gay. Maybe straight, too, but this person leaves that up for interpretation.

What??

Female Impersonators Radio Hour, today 4pm central time!

The first episode of Female Impersonators Radio Hour will be on air today at 4pm central time!

Kate is sick (get well soon!), so Amelia will be the sole host for the day.

Tune in here.
Call in here: 309-341-7441

Amelia will be discussing:
- North Korean government enouraging officials to have babies by turning the lights off at 7pm? (more here)
- her run-in with a homophobic wedding photographer
- the custody battle between Janet Jenkins and Lisa Miller (article here)
- thoughts on bisexuality, and the problems Patriarchy places on women and men who express deviant sexual orientations (article that inspired these thoughts here)
- her "woman of the week" (sneak peek here)

She will be playing (non-exhaustive list):
- Andrea Gibson
- Ani DiFranco
- The Butchies
- The Cliks
- Iron & Wine
- Metric
- Owl City
- Uh Huh Her

Hope you get to tune in!

Saturday Links

Sharing a bit for you:

New Law Requires Women to Name Baby, Paint Nursery Before Getting Abortion
via Feministing

Some people may find the satirical video funny, but the sad truth is that some women DO name their babies and paint nurseries before getting abortions. Most often these are late-term abortions done for health reason where the women very desperately want the child. I can only see this video as poking at an open wound for those women and their families.

Two articles from the Minnesota Independent:

GOP bill could bring "Choose Life" plates to Minnesota

Anti-abortion license plates could appear on vehicles in Minnesota if a new bill passes the legislature this year. Legislators submitted a flurry of new bills on Monday well ahead of the start of the session in February. One submitted by Republican Rep. Larry Howes of Walker would initiate a “Choose Life” license plate program in the state.

Franken bill to give servicewomen access to emergency contraception

“All servicewomen should have the same access to this medication as civilians do,” Franken said. “The fact that more than 2,900 sexual assaults were reported last year in the military—a nine percent increase—only heightens the need to ensure emergency contraception is always available.”

Say what you want about Al Franken, but I've been repeatedly impressed with his actions and bills during his short time in the Senate.

Have a great weekend!

Book Drive at Minneapolis North Star Roller Girls tonight!

There are few things I love more than roller derby - waffles, books, kitties, my partner, to be precise - but tonight combines both books and roller derby. The Minneapolis-based North Star Roller Girls will holding a book drive for the Minnesota Reading Corps at their bout tonight!

If you're in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area looking for some fun tonight, head down to the Minneapolis Convention Center for derby! Bring a book and get a $2 discount on tickets. Doors open at 6:30 with the bout beginning at 7:30.

Full disclosure: I work for the MRC and have friends in the NSRG.

Quote of the Day

I was reading Jezebel yesterday, and in response to a story on women who sleep with comedians (aka "chucklefuckers"), a comment-er left this pretty spot on thought:

"If you sleep with a man because of his job, you're a groupie.

If you sleep with a man because of his money, you're a whore.

If you sleep with a man and don't care about either, you're a slut.

If you won't sleep with a man, you're a bitch."

Exactly. Exactly. Exactly.

One of the most powerful ways women's sexuality is controlled by others is words.

People will label women no matter how we express our sexuality.

So, fuck them. Do whatever you want because no matter what your sexual decisions are, you will never satisfy the critics.

LALALALALALALALALALALA.

I can't hear them anymore, anyway.

Female Impersonator now on Twitter!

It's time for some shameless self-promotion.

I started a Twitter account for this blog. I will be updating it as frequently as possible with links to recent posts on this blog and other feminist links of interest. I thought it would be a good avenue to get the word out about our blog using some technology that people seem to be rather fond of.

Follow us here!

Quote of the Day

"I'm truly honored to have received this appointment and am eager and excited about this opportunity that is before me. And at the same time, as one of the first transgender presidential appointees to the federal government, I hope that I will soon be one of hundreds, and that this appointment opens future opportunities for many others." - Amanda Simpson, a trans woman who was recently appointed by President Obama as a Senior Technical Advisor to the Department of Commerce, in the Bureau of Industry and Security.

h/t Shakesville.

Touch, Children and Consent

I've mentioned before that I work in a preschool. It's incredibly fun and I love my specialized focus of teaching my 3-5 year olds the necessary literacy skills they'll need to be successful readers in kindergarten (Psst: If you live in Minnesota, love working with and teaching kids, and need a short-term [1-2 years] job for next school year, email me and I'll give you more information about my non-profit).

However, once I'm with my kids, it's like my body is not my own anymore. More specifically, my lap for sitting, my hands for holding and rarely my hair for pulling. This is usually the extent of it, but occasionally kids will ask me what my breasts are or touch my butt from behind without notice. It usually doesn't bother me (except the one time when a kid had messy hands from lunch and wiped them all over the back of my jeans).

Today while reading The Lorax, one of my students began putting her hands near my collarbone, resting them on my skin for a moment then moving them to my other side. She said she was checking for my heartbeat. Another boy stuck his hand out and put it squarely on my breasts, saying, "No, this is where her heartbeat is." I suggested they try checking for their own heartbeat underneath their chins, modeling how to do it. His touch obviously wasn't sexual, but there's still something jarring about being touched, especially in some areas, without notice or consent. I don't want to stigmatize a particular area of their bodies as sexual, dirty, shameful or something they shouldn't be touching without the larger context and conversations of age-appropriate bodily education.* But they know the rules - hands to yourself, you must ask a friend first before touching, and you have to listen when a friend says no.

Awhile back we got a new girl in the class. She had no troubles adjusting to the class and got along well with the other children. On her first day, one of the boys suggested they be boyfriend and girlfriend. They held hands a bit during story time (with several warnings about the hands to yourself rule) and he tried to kiss her on the cheek after. She clearly didn't like this and I had to tell him to respect her no, even if he didn't like it. The class rules say that we have to listen to everyone's no, but I felt like I should have included that a girl's no must especially be listened to. It turns out she didn't even want to be his "girlfriend," but felt a little pressured. I told her that it's ok to say no if you don't want something. Again - these are 4 year olds.

But it must be said early and often if the message is to be understood.

Sometimes I wonder how I would do my job if I had difficulties with being touched without asking or were triggered by such actions.

Yet at the same time, I have to consider my own actions. Sometimes I touch kids without expressly asking. In the case of some kids, it helps if I rub their back during storytime. They listen better; they keep their hands to themselves, and I imagine it makes them feel loved. At first I finished that sentence with safe - I imagine it makes them feel safe- but I don't think I can say that for all kids. We want preschool to be a safe enviornment and actively work to destress kids in order to make them feel comfortable enough to learn. Some kids like having their back rubbed or scratched and I suppose I just think most kids like it.

And then I read Rebecca from City of Ladies and Thomas from Yes Means Yes** and step back to evaluate my own actions. Am I touching kids who would rather I not touch them? Perhaps. There are some things I'm very explicit about - I always ask a child if they would like to give me a hug and accept the occasional "no." I don't take pictures of children without their consent. But it seems that I must adjust my actions to include all touching if I am truly to respect their own decisions about their bodies.

It only takes a quick "Can I rub your back?" and all bases are covered. How many difficulties in this world would be avoided if only we checked in and made sure we had consent first?





*Since this came up a bit in one of my prior posts about preschool children and the language they use to describe their bodies, I'll state this clearly: I believe in age appropriate bodily education and will implement this in the classroom. That doesn't mean, as one anonymous commenter suggested, "feminists teaching [preschool children] about their bodies or sexuality." Age appropriate bodily education includes proper, anatomical names for body parts (arms, legs, brain, arm bones, vagina, penis, toes, etc) and recognizing what their bodies are telling them (hunger, sickness, anger, happiness). I'm not indoctrinating kids into feminism when I say that I use age appropriate bodily education; I'm teaching them that sometimes that funny feeling in their stomach means they're hungry, angry, sick or have to poop.

**My own thinking on the topic of children and bodily respect has been influenced by Thomas' post "If She's Not Having Fun You Have To Stop." It has been useful in shaping the way I interact and help police my student's actions.

100,000 hits!

On behalf of all the writers here at Female Impersonator, I want to say thank you to our readers! On Sunday we reached 100,000 unique hits. Amelia founded the blog in February 2008 as the sole author and has built it to what it is today.

I want to thank Amelia for starting the blog and providing a space where we can share our thoughts on everything under the sun. She has been the driving force behind making Female Impersonator into what it is today. Without her, we wouldn't be here.

Here's to another 100,000 hits!

A Tale of Two Models: 2 and 12

I think this is really fascinating:

Photo via The Frisky

V Magazine's upcoming Size Issue has a photo spread of two models, one size 2 and one size 12, wearing the exact same clothes and posing similarly. There are more photos at the V Magazine site. Editor in chief Stephen Gan said, ""Big, little, pint-size, plus-size -- every body is beautiful. And this issue is out to prove it."

Thoughts?

Lady Gaga, Racism and Feminism

There's been a fair amount of discussion about the Lady Gaga/Kanye West photo for the special edition of Lady Gaga's new album. You can find the picture through google if you'd like to see it but I don't feel the need to repost it here. I also don't want to restate what a lot of people have been saying already, but I do want to draw your attention to Thea Lim's coverage at Racialicious. The picture is posted at Racialicious also.

Recently I posted a quote from Lady Gaga's interview with the LA Times in which she discusses the difference between men and women in the music business. Thea is right to point out that this article, and notions of Lady Gaga's feminism, got a lot of attention, perhaps unjustly so. She responds saying:

While in my September article I gave a digital eyeroll to Gaga’s assertion that she is “redefining beauty,” I’m willing to reconsider that stance. I can see how Gaga often subverts viewer expectation, enticing us with views of perfect white beauty, but then ensconcing that beauty in the disturbing. She presents her “perfect body,” but covers it in fake blood. She dresses up in sparkly dresses and matching heels, but her shoes are creepily curved into scary bird feet. Juxtaposing images that are comfortable or normative with images that are unsettling or bizarre, Gaga turns the tables on us. Instead of simply refusing to allow voyeurism, she harnesses it, tricking and punishing the heteronormative in us, while rewarding our inner pervert.

And yet, like sooooo many artists who do interesting and progressive work in one area, Gaga totally fails in another. The very visible problems with the King Kong Gaga image suggests that along with some great parts of feminism – being sex-positive, being critical of how the entertainment industry uses women’s bodies – Gaga is also practicising the worst part of feminism: racism.

I think Thea is right on the money and a lot of us have overlooked this aspect of Gaga in exchange for desparately holding onto a subversive female artist. Feminists gets a lot of criticism for our treatment of women of color, where we throw race out the window in exchange for gender unity (or a gender unity that's silently/assumedly centered around white women's experiences).

While I know that we can't get it right all the time, we should at least try to get it right where it counts. The history of women of color being shunted by white feminists is too prominant and too on-going to ignore.

In this case, I held up Lady Gaga as a feminist role model by highlighting her quote. Although I still agree with her statement, I do want to take this opportunity to offer up Thea's sharp critique as a counter point to her image as a feminist. A feminist, yes, but also a feminist who plays into and reinforces racist imagery.